Saturday, January 14, 2012

The women of my past

Yunno it's interesting to look back and think about just how much I have been used, abused, and taken advantage of by women in the past.. and even today I still see the damage left behind from previous relationships..

My first ever serious relationship delt me some hard emotional blows..
it taught me never to be stupid with sex hungry women, it killed my trust, for a women who would walk around behind my back and screw several other guys..
This same women was careless enough to crash my car into her house and never pay for the damages..
to this day all of my car's problems are attributed to the crash..
cooling problems, steering problems, leakage.. all sorts..

Yet today I still speak with her as a good friend..and follow her life from outside on the internet..

My Second ever drained me financially, and showed me just how dependent a person can be, and then just drop you in the blink of an eye the second she sees she can't get anymore out of you..
a liar and deceiving person who played the game before she finally realized she had enough..

The third showed me just how gullible and powerless I can be, and took everything I had of value, and there was nothing that could be done..

Now I know that all of the events in the past that led to my demise in these relationships could be in part my fault for not taking action.. or just plain stupid for going out so far and sticking my head out there only to have it kicked hard...

But I'm a nice guy.. and I based my life on being nice and loving every minute of it..

Which is kinda why I'm proud and relieved to have finally found a women who won't lie, or steal, or cheat..
she is every thing I need, and has proven to me that I'm the only thing she wants, in soo many ways..
its hard to think sometimes the trouble I went through just trying to live a stable life without being alone

and to realize that my answer was there all along.. sitting in a bedroom, watching me do all my stupid things
and supporting me in everything I did.. and then finally had her way when she got me to drive over and ask her out!
2 years later, and i could not be happier in a relationship... thank you so much Sila <3

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Ramble ramble ramble

Ok, I thought i'd give this blog some content, and jot down some thoughts during this time of sleeplessness

For starters, lately i have been improving on my art, most of which is posted to my FA acct
and also my music which I mostly produce melodic trance mixes with deep emotion and lots of energy

But as of tonight i kinda hit another road block, The kinda road block I was hoping not to hit again
its that feeling of not being able to do anything, its like i try to practice but i get no where and everything i do ends up being junk, and it didn't help that all day today and as of late I have been horribly lazy,
and makes me feel really bad that i;m not doing anything around here, I watch as everything falls apart around us and money goes out the door, and i'm not able to help bring in any of my own..

I wish I as motivated to actually do something around here, I made my promises to help this house become less boring and poor, and I'm not carrying out my statements..


Hopefully this horrid feeling passes and I can just be free of this depression and an lack of motivation to do anything productive
Being productive is something I actually enjoy! so why is it so hard for me to do it?
I used to love tinkering with things, but i guess all this lack of money has kept me from moving forward

I really need a job.. and I gotta get my head out of the Fog and get some applications out
I'm really desperate for a job, and i'm really considering going out ward public to get one
Ex. Youtube videos, Emails to companys, Facebook page, anything...

I just wanna help make income in this house..

Saturday, March 5, 2011

New post

New place for new posts. Some ranting, some sharing of fun stuff. We shall see. :3